The Sword Of

(based on suggestions from @timsterne, @realnixwilliams and @notcharming)

Cleaves like a V-Slicer

Rips through daisies

And slices mean as a

Papercut with lemon.

Flailing cooked spaghetti

At dwarves won’t pierce

No armour. Chain mail fail.

The blade of banality

Attacks reality tv shows

Sharkjumper dices series five.

Yonder, Dirk Prong carves up

Some excellent character names.

Wibbly wobbly swordy wordy

Overmentions that its scabbard is

Really big on the inside.

Despair, mine enemy, at our

Secret ninja trending skills.

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Today’s poem is based on suggestions from three peeps:

• @timsterne: “Dirk Prong”
• @realnixwilliams: “The blade of banality”
• @notcharming: “Cooked spaghetti”

To explain: last night on Twitter @timsterne’s hashtag #crapfantasyswords got trending in Australia. The idea, as you’ve probably gathered, was to make up names for crap fantasy swords. There was a lot of snorting with laughter going on – some of my favourites were “Dadjoke”, “Nohandle”, “Mostlyscabbard” “Papercut” “Overcompensator” and “Wibbly wobbly swordy wordy”. Hee. So today’s poem is basically a big in-joke (which sounds like a #crapfantasysword in itself: "Tremble, for I come bearing - The Injoke!")

The poem’s also an acrostic, in case you hadn’t noticed.